Hawaiian humor

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Two portagees in Kalihi were sitting on a bench talking, and one says to 
the other, „Eh, which you tink is mo far…, Florida or da moon?” The  other 
portagee turns and says „Brah, no act so dumb, you tink you can see Florida ?????” 
 
CAR TROUBLE 
A portagee tita pushes her pickup truck into a gas station. She tells 
the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is  idling smoothly. She says, „What’s da story brah?” He shrugged his shoulders and replied, „Just crap in the carburetor” She asks, „How often I do gotta do dat?” 
 
SPEEDING TICKET 
An HPD patrol officer stops a portagee tita for speeding and asks her  very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, „I wish  you guys get your act together. Only yestaday you take my license away,  now today you tell me show ‘um to you!” 
 
KALIHI STREAM 
A portagee goes out for a walk. He comes to Kalihi stream and sees 
another portagee on the opposite side. „Eh, howzit brah!” he shouts, 
„How I can get to da other side?” The second portagee looks at him, 
shakes his head, and shouts back, „Brah, you ON da other side.” 
 
AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE 
Maria Cravalho goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt 
 
wherever she touched it. „Impossible!” says the doctor. „Show me.” 
Maria took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then 
she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and 
screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she 
touched made her scream. The doctor said, „You’re portuguese aren’t 
you?” Surprised, Maria said, „How you can tell?” The doctor said, „I 
thought so…, your finger is broken.” KNITTING 
An HPD patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the H3. Glancing at 
the car, he was astounded to see a portagee tita behind the wheel 
knitting! 
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the 
officer lowered his window, and yelled, „PULL OVER!” The tita yelled 
back, „NOT! IT’S A SCARF!” 
 
OUTERSPACE 
A portagee was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was his turn. He 
rolled the dice and landed on Science & Nature. His question was, „If 
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?” He 
thought for a while, then asked, „Is it on or off?” 
 
PETS 
Maria was visiting her portagee boyfriend Manny, who had acquired two 
new pitbulls She asked him what their names were. Manny said, „dis 
one is 
 
Casio, dat one is Rolex”. Maria said, „How come you pick those names?” 
Manny rolled his eyes and said, „Babe, dey watch dogs, okay?!”

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